Accept that weight loss is no longer an option during recovery

As I stepped on the scales my heart beat became faster and faster, my palms became clammy and a surge of adrenaline burst through my body. All I needed was to lose a bit more weight. Yes, that would make everything better. That would keep my internal voice happy. Then I saw the number, my heart rate slowed down and I became overwhelmed with a sudden sense of sadness and anger. Not good enough. Never good enough. When will it ever be good enough? The determination to drive my weight down further then repeated itself over and over again. The self punishing internal voice demanded I try harder, that my efforts weren’t good enough.

I’m sure this is something many people throughout the world have experienced whilst suffering with an Eating Disorder. The drive to watch your weight plummet to control internal emotions. A drive to see the number on the scales go down, wear a smaller dress size, to have smaller measurements. But when does that desire to lose weight stop? Well, in my case it never has. Throughout my eating disorders duration my weight has gone up and down in a yo-yo effect too many times to count. I have eaten my way out of inpatient admissions and starved until I was placed back.

There is a point you reach in recovery when you are faced with a question; do you want to lose weight or do you want to have a life? I feel a huge part of the anxiety caused by putting an end to weight loss is the fear that people will assume that you are feeling better, that things are ok. In reality this is NOT true. Professionals know that weight loss is only a tiny part of a bigger picture. They will understand that the mental torture very much continues. Friends and family can be educated on this too. It is so important to let people know how you feel. Talk as much as possible, write thoughts and feelings down, cry if you need to. It is okay to feel sad, angry, desperate, anxious or alone. This doesn’t make you weak. The negative voice inside your head has no right to bully you in to thinking that you need to do this alone. You deserve to be well!

Accepting that is time to let go of weight loss is a huge commitment. If you can’t see a way out now, remember – Is it food that is the real issue? Is weight what really matters?

When supporting someone making huge decisions in their lives such as the decision to start the path to recovery it is so important to have patience. Recovery is a huge commitment and can cause a chaotic battle in the sufferers mind. Conflicting thoughts as to whether recovery is possible bombard me daily left, right and centre. Recovery takes time. There will be days where it feels that the individual is taking one step forward and two steps back. The important part is that they are challenging behaviour, learning, growing emotionally and experiencing moments of life without an eating disorder.

Losing weight will never solve your problems, but talking will.