Is there someone you need to forgive?

What is forgiveness?

The act of forgiveness is to stop feeling angry or resentful towards somebody for an offence, act, flaw or mistake. But that is only what the dictionary tells s. I believe forgiveness is so much more. Forgiveness is a way of letting go of the past in order to move forward. It is a chance to give somebody the reassurance that you can give them a second chance. Sometimes forgiveness is something that happens many months of even years  after an event, on a personal level. You may not even know the person any more, but need to forgive them in order to stop getting caught up in what's already happened, so you can move on the the future. 

Forgiveness plays a huge part of recovery in my opinion. It is a chance to let go and move on from the negative emotions that have become so normal in day to day life. It is a chance to say to yourself that it is okay to move on. 

But one of the main acts of forgiveness that I believe is important is the act of forgiveness towards yourself. It is time to stop worrying about when you got angry because a friend said the wrong thing, or the time you skipped lunch because that was the only way you could handle your emotions at the time. It is time to say: "okay, the past is in the past. I need to let go."

'Letting go' isn't easy. it isn't something that happens with a click of your fingers. It is something that takes time and a lot of effort to achieve. But it is possible. I believe that the first step is to accept whatever has happened is in the past. It may be the argument you had with your Mum last week or the boy that bullied you through out primary school. Accepting that it is in the past is one step to showing yourself it doesn't have to be part of your future. Then it is time to remember what you will gain from forgiving. You will gain power- your negative thoughts will be overcome with thoughts of acceptance and forgiveness, giving you a calmer frame of mind. You will gain the ability to move forwards; anger, sadness and resentment will no longer be able to drag you back. You will heal, because you will be in control. 

When it comes to applying this in self forgiveness it is very similar. You need to accept the mistakes you have made, that everybody makes mistakes and that it is absolutely okay to forgive yourself. Accepting that we as humans are not perfect is a valuable life skill. Accept that what has happened is now over. It doesn't need to hang like a rain cloud over your head. Then think of the positives that come from self forgiveness. You are empowering yourself by not letting your emotions, thoughts or memories control you a second longer. Instead you are taking charge of your own mind and finding peace, through accepting yourself and your mistakes.  By accepting that you will make more mistakes in the future, (which is perfectly okay) you will become a step closer to being at peace with yourself and in control of your mind once more. 

In a state of panic and sadness a close friend told me that in order to move on, I need to try and forgive. It got me thinking. She is so right. Sometimes fear gets in the way of seeing what we need to do, and a gentle reminder parts that fear and helps us to focus. In order to move on in  life we can't hold on to the rubbish that has been and gone already; a lost job, a friends betrayal, a family feud...it all has to go. We can't expect to be able to put on new clothes, without taking the dirty ones off. We have to forgive. 

I am working my way through life and forgiving the people I need to forgive. It is brining a huge sense of relief, that I don't have to carry that weight on my shoulders any longer. It can bring the same to your life too! I am also trying to begin to forgive myself. I am searching for peace that is available to all of us. 

So no matter how big or small, I urge you to forgive someone or yourself for something that has happened during your life. It's worth it, I promise.