Tackling Thought Overload

One day I was sitting talking to a staff member in a unit, and they asked me what was wrong. I told them “I really don’t know.” And went on to explain it by saying….

Imagine this:

There is a big hall filled with 600 people:

THEY ARE ALL SHOUTING REALLY LOUD!

Imagine the noise they create.

Now try and listen to just one of those people.

It would be really difficult, right?

Those six hundred people are like the hundreds of thoughts that go round in my head at any one time. People ask me what I am thinking and when I say “I don’t know” I really mean it. It is so hard to pick out one of those thoughts from my head when they are all ‘shouting’ at once.

When I said I didn’t know how I was feeling, I really meant it. It’s upsetting because I wanted to scream from the rooftops WHAT IS GOING ON, EVERYTHING JUST GET OUT MY HEAD. But I knew that would do nothing.

So I had to be more strategic. I got a note book and a pen and I wrote down every possible emotion that I could possibly be feeling, from angry to hopeful to excited to determined…the list just went on! Then I sat and wrote next to each emotion situations in my life that may be making me feel this way. I then proceeded to write down the thoughts that would come with that situation and emotion. This took hours but I slowly began to unravel my thoughts.

Then came the most important, most difficult part. Talking about them.

My therapist when I was 13 or 14 explained thoughts as crumpled up pieces of paper, all thrown into your brain and when you have an overloaded amount all those thoughts are compressed down and fill up and up until they don’t fit. That’s when it becomes distressing. So to sort this out, all the thoughts need to come back out, be flattened out, folded up and put back in neatly. They can all be filed away in sections.

This takes time. It takes talking, processing and letting go of emotions that just do not deserve a place in your mind. It takes the strength to put negative emotions and thoughts in a box and leave them there. But it is possible.

It is possible to wake up each day and make the conscious decision to make sure your emotions and thoughts stay neatly filed away. It is possible to talk and process these thoughts with someone you trust.

If you are supporting someone who is going through this process, please be patient. Doing this brings a lot of thoughts to the top of somebodies mind that they may not have thought about for a long time. Therapy is hard work. It is not walking into a room, offloading then forgetting about it. It is emotionally draining. It takes time and effort. It breaks down internal walls. It may make the person involved tearful or irritable, but please stick by them. It is for their own good. It is for the good of everyone around that is involved in their life. So they can have their loved one back, without the fear that they are suffering.

If you are thinking about unravelling your thoughts, I promise it is going to be okay. I promise that although it will tough- but worth it. I know that you are suffering, and I am so sorry. But it won’t be forever. If you begin this process you will feel the rewards in the future.  Find someone you trust, whether that be a professional or a loved one. You deserve support to get through this difficult time.